That's Some Hot Dish
by BritSanStan
Summary: Fondue for Two Brittana with very special guests! Series of one-shots.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N. Hello, friends. I'm slowly getting a hang of this thing called fanfiction. This takes place in the same universe as my other one-shot, Sweet Lady Lovin'.**

**Unbetaed so mistakes are all mine.**

**Thank you for reading and I hope you enjoy.**

**Reviews are appreciated!**

"Hola, cheese connoisseurs! I'm Brittany S. Pierce and we're here for another installment of Fondue for Two!"

"Today, we have our resident Diva turned Broadway star turned flop reality TV star turned Female Schue Jr., Rachel Barbra Berry." The camera moved quickly towards Rachel who is sporting her signature over enthusiastic 'I'm friendly but I will not hesitate to stab you if you steal my spotlight' megawatt smile.

"Also joining us today is my hot, gorgeous, amazing, talented, beautiful, lady lover and soon to be wife and baby momma, Santana Lopez!" Brittany introduced Santana as the camera showed her girlfriend sprawled on the bed with one elbow propped up on the pillow flipping nonchalantly on a magazine. Santana at the mention of her name smirked at the camera and did a flirtatious wink towards Brittany who returned the same with a bite in her lip. The camera spanned out catching Brittany mouthing towards her girlfriend some words that looked like "I'm gonna do you so hard later."

The eye-fucking between the two lovers looks like it was about to get out of hand but before Brittany could move to stand up and stalk towards her girlfriend on the bed, Rachel did an overdramatic cough which effectively brought out Brittany from her "Santana daze". Santana can be seen at the back rolling her eyes at Rachel's cliché' antics before continuing to flip the pages of her magazine.

"Sorry not sorry" Brittany shrugged, looking straight at the camera.

"Okay, let's get started. So Rach-"

"Um, Brittany, aren't you forgetting something? Or someone for that matter? Tina who was sitting on Brittany's right, present the whole time, interrupted the blonde.

"No, I don't think so." Brittany deadpanned, looking confused at the camera for a second.

"You're forgetting someone, Brittany!" Tina incredulously replied.

"Oh my god, you're right! How could I forget?" Brittany remarked, suddenly remembering.

"We also have on the show the awesome, the incredible, the multi-talented…"

Tina smiled at the camera.

"Lord Tubbington!" Brittany finished her introduction with the camera showing the extra-large feline in front of a laptop, manning what appears to be the comments section of the show.

"Me! Brittany! You're forgetting me!" Tina yelled at Brittany.

"Hey, watch your tone with my fiancée', Chang, or else you'd be leaving this room with a real stutter!" Santana remarked, not at all happy about Tina yelling at her girl. The threat effectively shut Tina up but not before rolling her eyes at Santana.

Brittany, unaffected by the exchange between the two girls, just then continued, "Oh, and yeah, Tina is also here." The camera pointed towards Tina who is still sporting a scowl for being disregarded.

"So, let's go back to what I was saying before I got so rudely interrupted." Brittany said, glaring pointedly at Tina while saying the last few words. Rachel on the other hand looked smug and pleased that she was at least given a formal- or well, somewhat formal introduction on the show.

Brittany turned towards Rachel, "So," looking at the small diva "Is it true that the main reason why you took the post of being the Glee club adviser is to finally fulfill your life-long dream of wearing a vest and curling your hair?"

"What?" "Brittany, no, that's not even…" Rachel answered, somewhat taken aback by the question.

She then however sat straight up, composed herself and answered, "I'm afraid that the rumor is not true, Brittany." She then looked at the camera, " I took the responsibility to rebuild the ruins of the former Glee Club in McKinley, not to wear a vest or curl my hair, as some rumormongers believes, but to har-"

"Snooze alert" Santana, yawning loudly, interrupted what could have been a very long winded answer by the little diva.

"Lord Tubbington informed me that 1/3 of our viewers tuned out when you started talking so, let's move on to another question." Brittany said.

"Oh…okay" Rachel just then nodded.

"What's the answer to the riddle?"

"Brittany, what riddle?" Rachel asked, confused.

"Your riddle"

"My riddle? Brittany, what are you talking about?" Rachel becomes even more confused.

"The answer to your riddle so we can finally pass the bridge that you're guarding." Brittany deadpanned as if it was the most obvious thing ever.

"Brittany!" Rachel, eyes wide, whisper yelled at Brittany who was still patiently waiting for an answer. She can't believe Brittany is implying that she's a bridge troll. She expected these kind of things from Santana but not Brittany.

Santana can be seen from the bed covering her mouth trying so hard to suppress her laughter but failing miserably. Her fiancée' really is a genius.

"I'm not a troll!" Rachel defended herself.

"I have it on good authority that you are." Brittany replied, "When will the lies stop, Rachel?" She then continued.

Rachel stared with mouth agape at Brittany for a good moment before finally replying, "Santana is not "good authority"! Brittany, she has completely rub off on you." Dramatically pointing her fingers at Brittany.

"Oh, we always rub off on each other all right, and my fiancee' is a good authority, I love it when I let her take control in the bedroom. She's always the hot cop in our foreplays." Brittany smugly stated towards the camera, mind suddenly drifting back to a few hours ago when she and Santana "rubbed off" real hard on and against each other. A sudden shot of arousal rushed over her, she really need to finish the show quick so she and her fiancée' can rub off each other and put that fuzzy pink handcuff again into use, she thought to herself.

Santana is still chuckling at the back, incredibly amused and impressed at how good Brittany plays other people.

Rachel, exasperated, just huffed and crossed her arms across her chest finally admitting defeat, accepting that she can never win an argument against Brittany.

"She won't give us the answer, folks. Looks like we'd still continue to take that detour to be able to cross that river." Brittany shrugged addressing the camera.

"So, that ends our sh—"

"Brittany!" Tina interrupted her again. "Why did you even invite me here if you're not even going talk to me?"

"Oh, Tina, you're still there." Brittany finally acknowledged her presence.

"Fret not, my friend" Brittany continued. "We invited you here because we have a surprise for you." Brittany smiled cheekily.

Tina actually looked hopeful at the mention of a surprise. Maybe coming here wasn't a total waste of time after all.

"Babe." Brittany turned towards Santana

Santana then pulled on the bedside drawer and retrieved a rainbow colored folder. She then got up from the bed, walked towards Brittany and gave her a peck on the lips before handing her fiancée' the folder.

"Thank you, baby." Brittany sent a flying kiss towards her girl who had resumed her position on the bed and who eagerly caught the kiss and brought it to her lips while winking at her.

Rachel and Tina would've found it adorable if it weren't for the sinking feeling that they are just getting played by the two lovers.

"This is for you" Brittany with a smile, handed Tina the oddly colored folder.

Tina warily took the folder from Brittany. She then proceeded to open it and found some papers with her name and credentials on it. On top of the pile is a letter addressed to her from "Rainbow University", she looked confusedly at the still smiling blonde for brief second before continuing to read the rest of the letter. Her eyes widened upon understanding the contents of the letter. It's a letter from Rainbow University informing her that she had been accepted as student in their University with a full-ride scholarship.

"Brittany, Santana, what the hell is this?" Tina asked the two.

She then looked at some of the papers in the folder and she recognized them as her records and transcript from Brown University, including an honorable dismissal certificate.

"Surprise!" Brittany answered giddily.

"What the hell are all of these?" Tina already feeling certain dread that she will not like the explanation for all of it at all.

"We transferred you to a new school!"

"You what!?" Tina is getting hysterical

"We transferred you to a new school! Santana told me you got into Brown University and I really felt sorry for you. Brown is a really boring color, like, really really boring and just reminds me of tree barks and gross stuff. In fact, it's my least favorite of all my crayons. You're young, you need some vibrancy in your life, Tina! So, with the help of Santana, I got this amazing idea to transfer you to an awesome school, and what could be more awesome than Rainbow University? I mean, rainbows have seven colors and none of it is brown so it's a total win! You won't be stuck in boring Color Brown University anymore. We already took care of everything, we've pulled out your records from Brown, arranged your transfer, classes, signed you up in some clubs pertinent to your interests, and we've also already set up your boarding near the Asian community center so that you can be close to your own people, so all you have to do now is to go there and get settled." Brittany explained enthusiastically. " They also offered to give you a full scholarship after knowing that you came from Color Brown University, I think they really felt sorry for you too for being stuck in that school." she added, looking mighty proud of herself.

Rachel listened to everything with her mouth wide open.

Santana is just nonchalantly flipping a new magazine.

Tina is about to faint.

"Brittany! Oh my god, Brittany why? Is that even a real school!? Where did you even find it? Brown is an Ivy school, Brittany, It's Ivy!" Tina is now on full-rage mode.

"It's real, Chang. It's in Saskatchewan." Santana answered for Brittany

"In Canada?" Rachel still confused.

"We found it on the internet." Brittany supplemented, still smiling

"Oh, and who's Ivy? Brittany curiously asked

Tina is getting dizzy, she feels like she's going to faint any minute now. She has to fix this thing that her friends did, she thought to herself. So without answering Brittany's question, she gathered all the papers and dashed out of Brittany's room quickly, she just hope that it's not too late yet and Brown will still accept her back.

A brief silence fell upon the remaining people in the room after Tina left.

"How long do you think will it take for her to figure out that it was just a prank?" Brittany spoke up first.

"I have no idea, babe, but she'll figure it out." Santana answered her fiancée

Rachel then spoke up, the turn of events finally sinking in on her, "I can't believe you did that guys, that was evil."

"Nah, it's sheer genius." Santana who had left the bed and is now behind Brittany, wrapped her arms around her fiancée's torso and kissed her shoulder.

"Yep." Brittany replied, melting into Santana's embrace, suddenly remembering her plan to "rub off" against Santana again. She just needs to get rid of Rachel fast!

"That's all for today, folks. Join us again next time, here on Fondue for Two"

_Fondue for two, fondue for two, That's some hot dish, Fondue for two!_

**_-End credits-_**

**_-End credits-_**

**A/N: I'm still contemplating whether or not I'd make this into a multi-chap fic depending on the feedbacks. So, yay or nay?:)**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: So, multi-chap! Yey! Not gonna lie, I'm loving writing Brittana referring to each other as fiancées. **

**I think this one turned out more mushy than funny. lol**

**Unbetaed so mistakes are all mine.**

**Reviews are appreciated! ****J**

Hello, fondue lovers! Brittany smiled all cat like at the camera. "As you can see from our new set, we're finally in the Big City, baby! Wohoo!" Brittany announced, pumping her fist in the air.

The camera panned across Santana and Brittany's Bushwick apartment. Kurt has offered to transfer the lease of the Brooklyn apartment under Santana and Brittany's name as a peace offering of some sort for interrupting Santana's marriage proposal to Brittany. The two readily accepted the generous offer but not before Santana gave Kurt a warning that if ever he pulls that same crap again when she's having a special moment with Brittany, she will plug up his 'glory hole' forever so that he'd never experience both the joy and excruciating pain of sodomy from Blaine or any other heavily gelled twink ever again.

"Welcome to Santana and I's love nest. Where all the lady lovin' magic happens all day and all night." Brittany wiggled her eyebrows at the camera. Santana can be heard giggling at how cute her fiancée is in the background.

"Let's start the pot boiling! Our first guest to inaugurate our new set is very close to both my heart and Santana's." Brittany started her introduction, placing both her hands on her heart for emphasis. "It is none other than, our Troubletones buddy, Tots Rights Activist, and the most famous Diva in all the Shopping Malls in America, Ms. Mercedes Jones! Brittany clapped her hands eagerly towards Mercedes. The camera showed Mercedes sitting in the chair on Brittany's right side.

"Thank you, Brittany." Mercedes smiled like a sweet diva at the camera.

"You're welcome, Mercedes." Brittany smiled at her friend. "And of course, this show and my life wouldn't be complete without the most beautiful woman in this whole entire world, my fiancée, Ms. Santana Lopez soon to be Pierce-Lopez or Lopez-Pierce – we kinda haven't decided on it yet" Brittany turned towards her fiancée sitting with her on the couch on her right. She wrapped her right arm on her girl and gave her a side-hug and a kiss on the temple.

"Thanks, Brit-Brit." Santana said smiling and blushing. She returned Brittany's temple kiss with a cheek kiss.

"We're gonna be doing things a little different for this episode due to the demand of a certain "Diva"." Brittany made air quotes to emphasize the word Diva. "She only agreed to appear in the episode if she'd get to host it. All those rumors about her Diva demands are true." Brittany staged-whispered the last sentence at the camera.

"That's right, gurl." Mercedes nodded. "I've watched the stunt that that two of you pulled on poor Tina, no way am I going to be subjected to the same." Mercedes sassily warned the two girls.

Santana and Brittany just looked at each other and shrugged.

"Yup, sorry everyone, as much as we'd like to ask about her thoughts on the rising price of potatoes in the world market and on his relationship with his absentee adventurer father Indiana, we're not allowed, so..." Brittany shrugged again at the camera.

"For the last time, Brittany, my father is not Indiana Jones! He's a fictional character." Mercedes exasperatedly explained.

"It's really not nice to deny your own father like that, Mercedes. Even though he wears a fedora and carries a satchel, he's still your dad no matter what happens." Brittany lectured Mercedes.

Santana can be seen enjoying every bit of the conversation.

"Brittany, he's white."

"That's racist, Mercedes." Brittany whispered loudly at her friend.

"You should have known better, Wheezy." Santana commented, obviously siding with her fiancée. Cleary amused at how easily Brittany can turn the tables.

"Whatever, you fools! Get this thing started or else I'd be gone here leaving you with nothing but a taste of my attitude!" Mercedes warned the two.

Brittany was about to comment but decided to leave it, they needed a guest after all.

"Okay, so as I was saying, we're doing something special today. Instead of us asking Mercedes questions, it will be the other way around, and she'd be the one asking Santana and I questions that you've sent to us, our lovely viewers, through the show's email and comment section. So, let's get started shall we?"

"Mercedes, you can start now."

"Thank you, Brittany, and hello everyone." Mercedes smiled at the camera and continued, "This is my first hosting gig so go easy on me sistahs, will yah? "She giggled.

"Okay, Brittany and Santana, this question came from _lezzBygonesbebygones_, "Santana, what does energy exchange and unofficial break-up means?""

"It means none of your bizzzness! Do I look like a fucking Dictionary to you huh, lezbygones? or whatever the fuck your name is! I have no fucking idea! Go look it up on Google or Webster's! No me gusta!" Santana's tempered flared high with the question. She never wants to be reminded ever again by what she considers the darkest time of her entire life. She got back Brittany now; everything should be about butterflies and unicorns.

"Whoah. Calm down, Satan." Mercedes was amused at the girl's behavior.

"Babe, no swearing." Brittany tries to calm Santana down by rubbing her hand up and down on her fiancee's arm and by giving her a peck on the lips.

"Sorry, Brit." Santana apologized, calmer now because of Brittany.

"It's okay, Baby, we'll just bleep them out." Brittany gave her a smile and kissed her on the lips again. Brittany then turned to the camera smiling, "And to answer your question, _lezzBygonesbebygones_, I don't think anyone knows what those means." She scratched her head confusedly. Santana looked at her sheepishly.

"I like where this is going." Mercedes still laughing at Santana's lash out remarked.

"Whatever." Santana mumbled.

"Next question, this one came from _Fonduefetish13,_ Brittany, if Santana is a fondue, what would she be? Chocolate or Cheese?"

"Ohhhh. Good question, Fonduefetish! Let's see…Hmmm… If Santana is a fondue I'd say she'd be cheese fondue because with enough stirring and right dipping she can get really really sticky on my fingers." Brittany wiggled her long fingers at the camera and winked.

Santana blushed at her fiancée's answer. So far this isn't turning out the way she'd expected.

"That was such an innocent question and you still managed to turn it dirty." Mercedes grimaced at Brittany who just smiled cheekily and kissed the increasing blush on her fiancée's cheek.

"This one's from Trisha364, Santana, I love you so much, your ass is so gorg! Give me a call sometime?"

"No, she won't." Brittany glared at the camera, putting a possessive arm around Santana, pulling her further into her.

"Sorry, Trisha, happily taken and soon to be wed." Santana kissed Brittany's hand with the engagement ring.

"I admit that was cute." Mercedes remarked.

Brittany and Santana just smiled goofily at each other.

"Okay, enough of the mush, let's move on. This one's came from D-O-DoubleGTubbs, "Meow". "That's weird it just says meow in here" Mercedes looked confused at the questionnaire.

"Oh, that must've come from Tubbs." Brittany smiled, "Say hi to the camera Lord Tubbington! Thanks for the question!" The camera showed the huge feline with his paws on the laptop keyboard. The cat had moved with them to New York, literally moved with them since the sly feline managed to get into and hide in one of their luggage unnoticed. It still baffles Santana how a cat that humongous can go undetected by them and the whole airport security of both Ohio's and JFK's. Although she did remember that one of their luggage rollers felt unusually heavy that day. Brittany have this theory that Lord Tubbs must have gotten some secret ninja lessons from Tina the last time she guested on the show, because Lord Tubbs just did some Tina-level of going unnoticed.

Mercedes just shook her head at Brittany's weirdness. She's more than used to it by now but there are moments where she still couldn't follow her friend's unique brand of quirkiness.

"Next Q, from Unicorncob02, Brittany and Santana, how does each other tas- -oh. I don't think I could finish this question without gagging." Mercedes disgusted. "You need some Jesus, Unicorncob02", the diva continued.

Brittany looked sympathetic at the camera and said sorry at Unicorncob02, while Santana looked relieved from dodging a possible bullet.

"Okay, this one's from LimaHeightsAcross16, Brittany and Santana, how many times a day do you make lady babies? Will there be a 2 girls and 1 cat sequel?" Mercedes' face twisted into a scowl. Her friends have the weirdest fans.

"Hmm…in a day? We usually lost count after orgasm number four. I guess it really depends on the day. Like, when it's Naked Wednesday since we're both free, we go at it the whole day. When we're both busy, at least three times usually after meals? It really helps Santana's digestion. " Brittany said

"Yeah, around those number." Santana added, unperturbed about her fiancée's confession about their sex life. "About the 2 girls and 1 cat, we've filmed quite a few but fat chance you'll be seeing them. It's for me and Brit's viewing pleasure only. Das right, be jealous!" Santana added, clearly boasting. "Right, Brit-Brit?"

"Yes, babe. Only for private screening during our Wanky Saturdays." Brittany wiggled her eyebrows at Santana.

"You fools have no shame." Mercedes just rolled her eyes. She had known since High School how these two have raging libidos when together, but she got to learn just how worse it is when she had to room with the two during their six-month tour. She only lasted five nights before she asked to be transferred to another room. There's only so much hearing your roommates' giggles under the covers turn into moans and back to giggles again every single night that a girl like her can take. She finally snapped on the fifth night and asked to be transferred to another room with others on the tour, preferably an asexual.

"We're hot together." The two girls just shrugged, as if it's a good enough explanation for their sexual crassness.

Mercedes made an effort to sift through all the questions, purposely skipping sex related questions; she had had enough with the lovers' over-share about their sexlife.

"Ugh, finally, a normal one." Mercedes sighed with relief, she then read. "Okay, from ReginaPhilangee09, Brittany, name four of your bestfriends."

"Oh, that's easy." Brittany visibly excited about the question, making a cute butt wiggle on her seat. "First and foremost of course is my Santana." Brittany gave a peck on the lips to her fiancée who's looking at her with pure adoration. "Second is Lord Tubbs." She then motions towards the cat who just blinked twice, unaffected. "Third is you, Mercedes." Brittany gave a grateful smile towards the Diva.

"Aww. Thanks, Brit." Mercedes returned her smile.

"Oh, and fourth is Doris!" Brittany finished off her answer.

Santana visibly stiffened.

"Who's Doris?" Mercedes asked confused, she has gotten pretty close with the two and she never once heard of anyone named Doris, neither in high school nor in the tour.

"It's the name of Santana's clit."

"What!?" Mercedes's eyes widened, not sure if what she's hearing is correct.

Santana whined and tried to hide her face at Brittany's neck.

"Yeah, Doris the Clitoris. Santana allowed me to name it myself!" Brittany proudly answered.

"Oh my God! Satan Lopez! You let her name your clit Doris?" Mercedes is now laughing so hard that she's finding it hard to breathe.

"Shut it, Wheezy!" Santana snapped at Mercedes who was still laughing like a hyena. "It was that or Clit Eastwood, okay?!" She tried to defend herself. She crossed her arms to her chest and held her head up high.

Mercedes just laughed harder at what Santana said.

"Aw, what's so funny?" Brittany pouted at Mercedes. "I love the name Doris. Stop laughing at it. Doris is really sensitive." She turned to Santana asking for support.

"Don't worry, baby. Wheezy's just jealous, no one names her clit like that." She tried to appease her pouting blonde. Brittany smiled at her gratefully and gave her another peck on the lips while whispering, "Thank you."

"Sorry, Brittany but this is just pure gold!" Mercedes is now trying to wipe away some tears from her eyes from her laughing.

"Move on and stop talking about my clit, Wheezy! affores I endz you!" Santana gave her signature warning.

"You're really not that threatening in a pink sweater with a penguin wearing a tutu on it, Satan." Mercedes said chuckling. Santana's threat had never affected her before and even more so now that she'd gone soft because of Brittany.

"Whatever, I don't care. This is Brits' and it's really comfy, plus it smells like her" Santana mumbled the last part.

"You look really cute in it, baby." Brittany looked at her adorably and gave her another kiss.

"Fine, let's move on." Mercedes acquiesced. "From Tastethefreakinrainbow2015, Brittany and Santana, what do you love most about each other?"

Both Brittany and Santana smiled at the question.

"I just love everything about her, you know?" Brittany said seriously and almost shyly at the camera. She then turned to Santana beside her and looked at her girl in the eyes and then continued in a soft voice, "But it's usually the little things, like your smile in the morning in bed when you wake up, the way you say my name really softly, the way you hold my hand everytime we cross the streets, when you fill Lord Tubb's food and water containers even though you're worried that he's getting fatter and fatter. I love the way you gasp everytime I sneak-attack you with a kiss, and just every little thing about you, Santana." Brittany reverently said to her fiancée.

Santana released the breath that she's holding the whole time Brittany was saying all those beautiful things about her, she then started, "I love everything about you too, Brit. The way you wake me up peppering kisses on my face every morning, the way you take care of me everyday, your unique way of calming me down, your giggles and pouts and scowls and just everything about you too, baby. Santana returned.

Brittany nudged Santana's nose with hers asking for a kiss which her fiancée eagerly gave. The two broke apart from the chaste kiss still smiling dopily at each other, seemingly unaware that they're still being filmed.

Mercedes just smiled at her two friends and let her friends have their moment. They're the most in love couple that Mercedes had ever seen in her entire life, and she's glad that they're her friends.

"Awwww, that was really cute, guys." Mercedes gushed at her two friends. "But we better get to the next question, there's quite some more."

Brittany and Santana just continued to smile at each other, still lost in each other's eyes.

Mercedes looked down on the questionnaire on her hand and said, "Okay, this question came from –AW HELL NO!" Mercedes incredulously yelled when she looked up to look at her friends and see the two lovers sucking faces with both their hands groping and wandering not so innocently on each other's bodies.

"Break that up right this minute or else I'm walking out! You've traumatized me enough for six whole months during the tour!" Mercedes warned the two quite loudly.

Brittany and Santana however have long been gone to their own bubble and couldn't hear and feel anything but each other. They've gone completely oblivious of the ranting diva.

When the two started moaning from their kiss, Mercedes finally snapped and said, "This is freakin' it! I'm done! I'm done! She sent the questionnaire flying in the air and stood up leaving the two girls who's still making out heavily on the couch! Now with Brittany hovering over her fiancée pushing Santana gently to lie on her back.

"The two of you couldn't even wait to finish the whole show! This is ridiculous! I'm done! I'm going for a walk! The two of you fools are the worst! Mercedes continued her rant all the way to the door, and slamming it real hard when she left.

The force of the door slam sent the camera toppling down, now showing nothing but the concrete floor. The screen blacked out but not before hearing Brittany say, "Ohhhh, Doris is so wet already."

**-End Credits-**

**A/N: Any thoughts? Who do you want to see guest next? ;-)**


End file.
